call me debbie downer...

I discovered this show 2nite called secret millionaire. I loved the concept. The show takes a multi millionaire for a week and they live off of a welfare salery in basically a scum part of a city.On this particular show, they took a guy worth aprox 5o million and dropped in him off in the nothern part of vegas or some where.

Homeless people everywhere...prostitutes...drugs... crime. he stayed in this shady hotel. there were roaches...he had to work to earn his stay. so he goes around all week volunteering at diffferent places, looking for someone or someplace to donate "at least $100,000."

Ok...this dude is worth about 50 million... $50,000,000...fifty million...dude, do you relize how much money that is! he owned a "small fleet" of planes...a helicopter...at least one ferari, 2 porche, and at least 3 other high dollar cars...i think they said like 30 places of real estate...this sweet mansion...

so I'm sorry if his $20,000 donation to the boy in the wheel chair, $30,000 donation to the lady handing out food to the local community and $100,000 donation to the "Street Teen" ministry didn't impress me. The man should have gave each a million! him giving that amount would be like me droppin a $20 to all of them...seriously, come on. give me a break.

and now he's gonna go back home to his luxury...congratulating himself on "doing something for those less fortunate"...
well good for you buddy!

what a weekend. first off...friday was my last day as a full time staff at the shelter. that was sad...but I was ok because all i could think about was my weekend in gatlinburg!so I get in my car and head off. of course, I stop just an hour down the road for some chick filet! i love that place and I never get to have it.so back on the road...jammin to my music, drinkin my rockstars and mnt dew...when suddenly (5 hrs into my trip and in the middle of no where) my car begins to over heat. now...my car had done this one other time a few months back in the same very area. so I had some water and antifreeze in the trunk. figured i'd pour some in, wait 30-45 min, then head off again. well...about 2 hrs later, while I was still setting there in the dark, with no heat and my car still broke, a trooper finally stopped. he was kind enough to take me to the next exit to a hotel where I could wait out the night. fun times! It was a shady little place, but cheap. i definatly didn't sit in the chair next to my bed where there appeared to be some sort of stain left behind from a previous guest. i turned the heat on high cause it felt about 10 degrees warmer in there than the 20 degrees it was outside. i slept ok, after I checked under the covers and behind the head board for bed bugs (thanks to a local news program on bed bugs last week). however, when I woke up, i believe the temp of the room had only risen about 15 degrees. so...when I decided to brave thw cold and pull back the covers I quickly dresses and went down to the front office, where my dad picked up.but the weekend was great! i have been blessed with some awesome friends. they are really truly indescribable. we had a great time visiting, eating shopping…reminiscing about old times…
saturday morning when i woke up, i seen the mountains touching the sky...what a beautiful scene! Looking out over the mountains and trees...listening to old and new friends laugh and tell stories. What a great weekend!

well...today is my last official day at the shelter. however, i have volunteered to do thursday nights, 10pm-6am. at least for a while. we will see how it goes. and i'm going to volunteer over the holidays and do computer work for them. monday i start my new job with children's division. that's exciting...and a little unnerving. got to meet new people and learn a new job. that's not always easy.

i am soooooo excited about this weekend! i am meeting my friends from ky in gatlinburg! we always have a good time together. i hope this becomes an annual event.

man...20 days till christmas...and all i have bought is one present! but, i hope to take care of that this weekend. can't believe another year is come and gone! the four years in high school felt like an eternity! then after that...well, it's like you wake up one morning and it's your birthday...then you wake up the next morning and it's christmas. wow...what just happened!

as much as i try not to be...i am still a people pleaser. i know i was growing up, and i have recognize that and tried to be on the look out for it. but today i had to talk to my boss about me resigning, and i sooooo dreaded it. i dreaded it to the point that it made me nasuaes...i could feel it in the back of my throat and was just praying it stayed there! and the reason i was so nasaueas...i felt like i was letting the people down here at the shelter. i felt like they had wasted their time hiring me and i had let them down. thankfully...my boss helped me to see that was't the case. she was very understanding and encouraging in my future. i really appriciated that!

so as of tomorrow morning, after working 3am-9am at mcdonalds, i will be down to one job! no more early mornings or late nights! that really excites me. extra time to spend with the kids and to go to their activities! that excites me more!

black friday...yeehaw!

...not! look, don't get me wrong, i'm one for bargains. i don't even really shop unless it's on the clearance rack or at the goodwill store! and i'm suuuure there are some great deals today. if i find some online i will take full advantage of them. but, to get out in the madness today? no way! i think i did it once... maybe. today is more my sister shannons type of day. i think she would enjoy the crowd of people. maybe she will pick me up something nice. :)

me...i'm content to work today. maybe i will drive around town when i get off at two and see if the madness has died down. or....maybe i will just go to the redbox and rent me a good movie! then go home and eat left over turkey and ham...mmmmmm.

man....the holiday season is fun...it goes by fast yet seems like it's here forever (does that make sense to anyone but me?). the best part of the holidays is watching the kids....that is priceless. i'm excited to watch the kids at christmas .... opening the presents...to watch them play out in the snow (yes i know, that's not real likely here in southeast mo, but i can wish)...coming in with their little cheeks all red and nose running down their chin.

my favorite christmas show is charlie browns christmas...

Charlie Brown: Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?

Linus Van Pelt: Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about. [moves toward the center of the stage]

Linus Van Pelt: Lights, please. [a spotlight shines on Linus]

Linus Van Pelt: "And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, 'Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'" [Linus picks up his blanket and walks back towards Charlie Brown]

Linus Van Pelt: That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

can you hear it? man i can hear it just like i'm watching it...i love it! how silly is that! i like rudolph...and all the other classics. but charlie brown is just great...and will live on forever!

the fog...

so i grew up in southeast Missouri…close to the river. living close to the river, we experienced some great fog! i mean heavy fog…like the dog couldn’t walk to his water bowl cause of the fog on his back. fog so thick you couldn’t see the car in front of you until you were about to run into his bumper…you couldn’t see that you should have stopped at that red light until you went through it. i’m talking thick fog! As a kid I loved the fog cause we would get out of school for the entire day…yes, school got delayed because it was so foggy…and if it got delayed more that 2 hours then they would just cancel school for the entire day! It would be perfect weather outside after the fog cleared…we prayed for these glorious days!

now as an adult…sometimes i feel as if my life is a fog. i can’t see what’s next or which road to take until I’m right up on it…or just passed it. fog causes confusion and second-guessing. Now don’t get me wrong, life isn’t always a fog. but sometimes I wish God had email, or better yet text messaging! something where He could respond back to me a.s.a.p. i mean, there are many times when that i am not 100% sure i am making the right decision…when there might be two possible good choices or when there is just no clear choice. no one likes being “in the fog”… or so I’m assuming. i’m assuming most people like some clarity in life. fog makes things more difficult…harder…

we’ve all got plans. we all had/have an idea of how we want things (life) to turn out. does it ever happen that way? like we planned? seriously…not often. even when we do everything we are supposed to do in order to accomplish things, to plan things out…there are other factors and/or people that alter the course. that’s called life. no matter how much you rationalize things or strategically plan things out…life happens and plans sometimes fail.

but life goes on. we keep planning. we keep seeking answers…hopefully in the right places and people. we wait for the fog to lift...to see a "break" up ahead. for me personally, i have a few people i trust and respect, whom I feel are good Christian people, and I know they will pray with me and help me to make the right choices. i’m blessed like that.

happy thanksgiving!

happy thanksgiving! i hope you all stuffed yourself and spent lots of time with your family and those who mean the most to you.

i'm currently at work. i volunteered to work today so that those with children could spend the day cooking and being with their kids. me personally, i will let everyone cook for me and then show up to eat it! lol...that's just my style...

being here helps remind me how much i have to be thankful for. the women who are here are here because they are homeless and have been abuse...beaten both physically and emotionally. yet it would appear by talking with them today that they themselves realize that they have a lot to be thankful for! just a reminder that no matter where you are or how bad things may seem...things could always be worse. there is always someone out there worse off than you.

i hope today you take time to thank God for all that He has blessed you with!

grown up...(is that one word or two?)

i feel so grown up right now(is that one word?)...i'm sitting at my desk, drinking my coffee (with caramel flavoring)...doing what grown-up's do (maybe it's hyphenated)...work...that's what grown ups do...work...yeehaw...and to think i couldn't wait to grow up!


i have always said i would never grow up. and in many ways i have proven this statement to be true (hold your comments to yourself please). but in some ways i do see my self "grown up." and sometimes i don't like it.


at times i am less patient with youth...because i can "see the future" and i know that the choices they are making are not good ones, and that these decisions can and will affect them for the rest of their lives. they are daily changing and shaping their future. so...me being the "fixer", i just want them to listen to me and do what i say! lol...but i try to keep this in check cause it's definitely not the way to relate to them!


i'm more voicestrous..if i think someone is acting just ridiculous or treating someone disrespectfully i say so. my sister says i do not do this in an appropriate manner when it comes to my family....but she's very opinionated (hahahahah)!


i'm more cautious about most things. i try to think things through better...that is a good thing. thinking before acting was never one of my strong points, as most know.


now, on to other news...i have a new job! i start dec 8th with children's division. i'm excited. i'm not excited, however, about telling the people i work with now that i'm leaving! i have really enjoyed my short two months of working here! the people i work with are great and i love what we do here. however, the opportunity of advancement and the benefits of this new job i just could not pass up. hopefully i will be able to partner with the shelter in the future as a volunteer. i think they are definitely a needed in this community!

a new day at work...

well for those of you that don't know i work at a battered women's shelter. so not only do you have to be a woman and be homeless...but you have to have been beaten or threatened by your significant other.

things have been slow around the shelter since i started oct 6th. i knew it was going to pick up when the holidays got closer. we went from 3 women and 2 kids down to 2 women. then yesterday we went up to 5 women and 3 kids. all the kids 2 and younger. two of the women are so young! and way too young to have been in an abusive relationship! but you would be surprised at how common that is! a couple of months ago a teenager i worked with at mcdonalds (a senior) was attacked in her home by her boyfriend...he broke in while she was sleeping and was trying to strangle her and smoother her with a pillow! this is in high school! it's so sad. i think it's just another poignant reminder at how depraved our society is.

for one thing i believe we are born innately bad. i mean seriously...who has ever told their kid to hit someone or take something...didn't think so. it's their nature. it's passed on to every human at birth, like it or not.

second thing i believe is that a lot of kids do not have good role models displaying healthy relationships. and i know they don't get it from the music we hear or the tv/movies we watch. they don't even know what a so called healthy relationship looks like...and i dare to say that most adults don't either. and if they do happen to know what they look like they don't know how to develop them. i was astonished when i read that 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped, or pushed by a partner (www.loveisrespect.org)! that's just teenagers! and with technology today, things can get real ugly. kids posting intimate videos and violent videos on youtube...sending that junk in emails and text messaging. it was hard being a teenager when i was young. so i can't imagine what it's like now.

didn't mean to get on a soap box...but it's just sad. sad the way people choose to live. the way people choose to behave. the way they choose to treat others. the way others disrespect themselves and others. anyway...

me and my sister are taking my niece and 3 friends to see twilight tonight. i know a lot people are just pumped up silly about this movie, but can't say i'm one of them. i didn't read the book...i'm not a big reader. but my niece and sister loved the series. this movie better be good!

saturday night i have a dinner/auction i'm suppose to go to for the shelter. not looking forward to that either lol. i'm just not the social butterfly i once was. i guess in the right setting i can be, but it's defiantly not a dinner that i'm suppose to dress up for!

last week the only time i sweated was when i was eating too fast...or running to the ladies room after eating mexican...

this week i started getting up at 4:45am to go to the YMCA. i love it! i forgot how good it feels to work out...feel the burn! you really do have more energy and feel so much better when you exercise regularly. the problem was i was too lazy to do anything! i thought working out a lot! i even made little work out routines...grocery lists with all the right foods...i had the papers to join the Y for 2 months before i started going. but once i went...man what a rush! i love the sore feeling you get from working out...the heat radiating from your face...the small mustache of sweat i get. it feels great! even the passing out feeling i got the first day after i got off the elliptical! i love it all and hope i never go back to being lazy

my first blog...(think of something witty to say...come on...think)...HEY YO'LL!

just thought i would create some space to share all the wonderful, educational, brilliant, etc. things that go through my head everyday! lol...

a few disclosures first before i begin with my words of wisdom. number one...i never capitalize...and number two...i can't spell. so if that is a problem with you, you should stop now. number three, sometimes when i think things in my head, it sounds real good and is extemely funny! however, when i try to tell it to someone, it is not near as funny when it come out of my mouth!

well...that's all my words for this moment. next time you stumble into my blog you may want to bring a pen and paper so you can take notes!

have a good day!